I’ve been butt f**k’d by a penguin

"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove) 02/23/2020 at 22:49 • Filed to: Family game night

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Allow me to explain.

We played Monopoly for family game night. Because it’s not as interesting with just three players,  we let two stuffties play. Well, Hugz slaughtered us all. He was the first to develop and he had Boardwalk and Park Place. I put up a valiant fight, but the dice were not with me.

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > Chariotoflove 02/23/2020 at 22:52

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Oh, the headline pretty well nailed it...

boredalways > Chariotoflove 02/23/2020 at 22:53

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Could have been worse -- like getting your ass handed to you by a Puffalump.

gettingoldercarguy > Chariotoflove 02/23/2020 at 23:00

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Penguin = tuxedo = Bond = instant game loss.

Chariotoflove > boredalways 02/23/2020 at 23:00

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Well, then I’d have to change my identity and leave the country. 

Chariotoflove > gettingoldercarguy 02/23/2020 at 23:01

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When you look at it that way, it’s not my fault!

CB > Chariotoflove 02/23/2020 at 23:01

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What asshole wears sunglasses inside during a game of monopoly?

Wheelerguy > CB 02/23/2020 at 23:06

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A Bond villain.

gettingoldercarguy > Chariotoflove 02/23/2020 at 23:06

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Wasn't in the script.

Chariotoflove > CB 02/23/2020 at 23:10

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That’s what I said. He just laughed at me and called me a peasant. 

Chariotoflove > Wheelerguy 02/23/2020 at 23:10

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Precisely. 

Chariotoflove > gettingoldercarguy 02/23/2020 at 23:11

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Thank you!

Chariotoflove > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish 02/23/2020 at 23:13

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My wife agrees, but she got screwed too. 

TheRealBicycleBuck > Chariotoflove 02/23/2020 at 23:15

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You should gift him a pair of mirrored sunglasses.

Oh, wait. That’s for another game.

Chariotoflove > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/23/2020 at 23:18

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Because I want him to have more attitude?

TheRealBicycleBuck > Chariotoflove 02/23/2020 at 23:26

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Playing on a meme:

DipodomysDeserti > Chariotoflove 02/23/2020 at 23:28

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someassemblyrequired > Chariotoflove 02/23/2020 at 23:34

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Don’t switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no

Chariotoflove > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/23/2020 at 23:38

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Oh, that’s good. 

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Chariotoflove 02/23/2020 at 23:40

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That’s quite the extreme headline.

Once someone gets boardwalk and park place it's their game reall . 

Chariotoflove > DipodomysDeserti 02/23/2020 at 23:40

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It’s kinda like that. 

Chariotoflove > someassemblyrequired 02/23/2020 at 23:41

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I saw him sing that in concert. He opened for Rick Springfield!  

Chariotoflove > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 02/23/2020 at 23:43

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Yeah, and he put hotels on them as fast as he could.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 00:37

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Did it still take 2 hours?

Chariotoflove > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 02/24/2020 at 02:01

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Oh more than that. We played over multiple nights and to the bitter end. It came down to Hugz vs Newbie, the elephant my daughter got last week. Hugz prevailed. 

shop-teacher > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 07:16

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Hugz don't mess around.

Kiltedpadre > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 08:58

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How can a stuffed penguin win at Monopoly?

He can’t even flip the table while screaming “I’ll shove those hotels down your throat grandma.”

someassemblyrequired > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 09:17

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We used to play Boy in the Box to clear the room at the end of engineering events.

Chariotoflove > shop-teacher 02/24/2020 at 11:02

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He’s brutal when it comes to money. His tuna habit gets expensive. 

shop-teacher > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 11:19

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If I learned anything from Mr. Popper’s Penguins, it’s the shrimp bill that will kill you.

Chariotoflove > Kiltedpadre 02/24/2020 at 11:21

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Hugz is more of the simmering delayed revenge type. It’s probably safest for the family that he won.

What I also haven’t disclosed until now is that I ran his operation. My daughter managed for Newbie the elephant. So I kinda engineered my own destruction .

So many layers to this. 

Chariotoflove > someassemblyrequired 02/24/2020 at 11:23

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Better than Rick Astley I guess?

Chariotoflove > shop-teacher 02/24/2020 at 11:25

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We haven’t even introduced him to shrimp. Just the tuna bill as it stands is killing me. We buy by the pallet.

someassemblyrequired > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 11:28

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Absolutely. Keeping safety in mind they’d play Never Surrender as a warning shot.

Kiltedpadre > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 11:29

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I mean he showed up to family game night wearing shades so you couldn’t gauge his intentions. He’s clearly in it to win it.

I commend using the penguin to defeat your children though. 

Chariotoflove > someassemblyrequired 02/24/2020 at 11:31

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See, I like that song and would stay and sing along, not getting the intended hint. 

Chariotoflove > Kiltedpadre 02/24/2020 at 11:32

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We believe teaching humility is important in parenting. 

shop-teacher > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 11:36

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That’s just smart shopping right there.

Chariotoflove > shop-teacher 02/24/2020 at 12:24

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I’m glad you think so. Wife just rolled her eyes again. 

shop-teacher > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 12:49

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Yeah, well she’ll change her tune when it’s time to carry a milk crate full of tuna into the house every week.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 13:49

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As you rightfully should. 

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > Chariotoflove 02/24/2020 at 16:07

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“once you’ve had flightless, aquatic waterfowl....”

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > boredalways 02/24/2020 at 16:08

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Stef’s Huffalump always flips you the bird when she laps you in the 944 though... That’s just annoying.

Chariotoflove > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish 02/24/2020 at 16:19

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You had to go there...

boredalways > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish 02/24/2020 at 18:21

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You’re forgetting something... eventually, that race comes to an end, and everyone gets out of their car.

H ead on a swivel, buddy.